Fantastic Four (2005)
I’ll try and watch a “real” movie at some point, I’m just in a Marvel kick cause of Rivals reminding me superheros (and heroines) are cool, plus the new F4 movie being a thing I have vague interest in. Also I haven’t seen this since quite literally its premiere so no “I’ve watched this film before” button this time.
Anywho, not that it’s without any merits - the acting (especially from Chris Evans as Johnny Storm and Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm) is generally competent and well-casted, Tim Story’s directing has some life within it, specially considering Barbershop was (from recollection) milquetoast and one rather recent work of his was woefully dull, it has quite a few good jokes, and the effects are a step above the usual superhero paygrade regarding its contemporaries - but its main heel is that It Just Doesn’t Get The Team.
Aside from Ben’s story and Johnny’s bravado (which, even then, I have qualms about the rushed dilemma the former faces and the upped ante of the latter’s persona), the other half faces some egregious changes, even when accounting the need to adapt their format for the big screen. Reed’s insecurity and desire to enrich the life of his friends and SO after placing them within danger isn’t expressed in earnest, instead treated as a myopic stepping stone to Grow A Pair and finally get into Sue’s pants. By proxy, Sue’s charged, wildchild-esque original is completely absent, now being treated as The (Smart And) Sexy Gal object of Reed’s and Doom’s desire. Even when accounting for the time period this was released in, it’s genuinely astonishing how much of a step-back the dynamism occurs from/with/around her to appeal to the male-dominant audience, to the point she has two entire scenes where she has to strip naked to run away effectively, solely because her ‘invisibility’ power only transmits onto the suit now and not her entire being. From all of this, it’s hard to buy into the “family unit” the original evokes so strongly - when the climactic fight comes ahead, it feels more like an obligation than a genuine understanding and power of strength. Not that any of the members bickered amongst one another, or even all together, but they usually connect back to how the misfits and the opposition bring out the best of them not long after.
Though, the biggest mishandling is the crux of the quartet as a whole: an encompassing diorama of scientific quandaries and the cosmic supernatural. They do one cosmic thing, then that’s it. Reed, then Doom, do some science-esque things, then that’s it. For as much as they prattle about being (super)geniuses, the big two here feel more like first-year college grads than Actual Literal Forward-Thinking Scientists. I’d be willing to concede with the approach to a more “street level” affair, since this is treated and budgeted like a blockbuster, but like, this is a 1h46min film, there’s more than enough to appease both the geeks and the muscleheads! They even toy around with the ideas during the second act, why not show that more!
Most of this could likely stem from two factors: Fox wanted yet another shot at getting that X-Men shock that worked well for them the last two times, and the fact that this has penmanship from Mark Frost and Michael France. There’s likely (definitely) other factors as well, especially considering Chris Evans seems to treat this more as a stepping stone in his career when looking back, but all things considered, it’s not surprising the lasting legacy this movie has are netizens gushing about “how totes hot” the casting were. I remember Silver Surfer being better, but I also haven’t seen that in two decades. Maybe it’s worse and more misogynistic! Excited to find out!
I watched two episodes of an ecchi short before this, and I honest to god had a better time by comparison.